Thursday, 12 November 2009

Memorex E-180

I don't think life is like a book, open or otherwise. It's more like a video cassette.

If you keep the damn thing recording, it will fill up in no time. And once your tape is full, you're left with only a few alternatives - either rewind and record over some bits, erase everything and start again, or keep it as-is and file it away on your little shelf.

I know people who have picked all three options. The ones who have filled up their tapes, good and early, seem quite happy to replay their lives as often as they like. The tab has been removed. But ultimately it's the same story with them - again and again and again.

I've seen people who have lived very full lives, yet rewound to cover some bits with something new. A minor reinvention, if you like, a bit of an upgrade here and there - but with the basic story still intact from the beginning.

And I'm familar with the crowd who are happiest when they blank the whole damn thing and start again.

I think I fall into the second category, with leanings towards the third. Something inside me would really like to throw it all on the fire and start again. Something else inside me is already doing this, bit by bit. I'm quite happy with the decisions I've made in my life to date. Some of them I could have made a little quicker, but we can't have everything.

The important thing for me - and I know this doesn't suit everybody - is that I will not resort to the first option, no matter how comfortable and reassuring that might be. It's probably too late for me to do that now, anyway.

I like the adventure and danger of life. I haven't immersed myself as deeply as I should, but I will. I will.

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